i ❤ idiots

Don Imus Is A Punk-Ass Chump

2007-04-12T13:34:00.000-06:00

Don Imus is a punk-ass chump*. If you don't know the story, because you've been living under a rock or in a cave, read it here. What business does he have using that kind of language in the first place? He wouldn't know what Ebonics was if it came up and hit him on his old wrinkly jowls.
I mean, come on! What drove him to even let those words escape past his lips? Now he's got the entire black community on his ass because he can't keep his dumb-ass comments to himself.
On a side note... I'm sorry, white people, but sometimes y'all get on my nerves! Why do you feel like 'Hip-Hop' language is something you have to infiltrate? It's not gonna happen. Ever. Unless you grew up with Eminem on 8 Mile, please, leave it to the people who speak it on a regular basis. You just sound crazy. And you're likely to be bitch slapped at some point, just like good ol' Don.
He's losing sponsors, being suspended and just losing support in general. And what's more, he's losing credibility, if he had any in the first place. From my understanding, this was a long time coming. There have been many other ill-chosen words spewing forth from his dried up mouth. It's like it gets progressively worse as the years go by because he's old and mangy and senility has set in. And all because he couldn't let something so stupid and so degrading be left unsaid.
I understand that in this society of very sensitive, politically correct, panty wipe a-holes it's almost impossible NOT to offend at least one somebody. But this is an asshead of a different color. Even in the privacy of his own conversation those words shouldn't ever be spoken, and especially not on a nationally syndicated talk radio show.
Shame on you, Don Imus, shame. If anybody is a ho' right now, it's definitely you. You've got some major ass kissing to do. Pucker up.

(*as previously stated.)

2007-04-06T08:19:00.000-06:00

Okay guys, real short blog today. I found this on a friend's MySpace page and it's hilarious. It makes not sense except the fact that she's a Bjork fan. It's at least a five minute commitment, but it's worth it!
P.S.-Wait for the blank screen and "RING! RING!". That's the beginning. Well, I'm off home for the weekend. Happy Easter! PIZZA!

Idiots Extravaganza!!

2007-03-29T13:37:00.000-06:00

I just love the word "extravaganza". It makes everything sound so exciting!
Okay, I'll admit, I've been very lazy with my blog the past two weeks, but for good reason. I am trying to make a little extra income, so I've been working my ass off drawing. Yes, drawing. Not a leisurely pursuit by any means, believe me. The work of an artist is never done. I'll give you further info as this story develops in the coming weeks. By the way, this picture was too weird not to post.

But I am making up for the two weeks I've been gone--so on to the news.

Apparently, hope don't float. I tell ya, I love my home state of Michigan, but it's going down the drain. Literally. In my beautiful college city of Grand Rapids, sink holes are appearing and gobbling up poop. If you don't know what I'm talking about, take a look. They don't know where it went after that. It's just missing. It's obvious The Poop Fairy came by, so they should be receiving their quarters any minute now. Just be patient... he's got lots of stops to make! So when people call Michigan a festering cesspool, (usually transplants from the state) they're not REALLY being derogatory. Of course, Chicago is pretty clean, but we've got our problems here too.

And also...

Really, what do you do with 93 pounds of underwear? And their not even yours? I don't want to know. Read about this kook, stealing women's underwear out of laundry rooms. What I'd like to know is how they caught the guy... did someone set up a sting in a washeteria or something? Maybe he couldn't afford his own underwear, you never know. Dude. Seriously. Gross.

And finally...
Now for something completely different.

Remember the 90's? A very confusing time for us Generation "What?" kids. Especially for those of the Caucasian persuasion trying to figure out how hip-hop fit into their lives. For many, sadly, it never really did. But not for lack of trying!!
This "music video" is from Ghostwriter. No not the flaming leather-clad skull on the bike, GhostWRITER, the show about the kids solving problems, as they typically do. I highly recommend watching this, for educational purposes of course.

I found something else, too, while I was looking for that video. It's mislabeled as the same thing, but it's VERY different. Remember FoxKids Music Countdown? Well, this is the intro to that very program--and believe me, if you've never done acid, you will not feel left out at all while watching this. I suggest it with no volume, lest you like having seizures and your ears bleeding at the same time. Fox truly IS evil.

Well, I feel that I have exceeded my requirement for inane media for the last two weeks, so I hope you'll pardon me for leaving you. I promise, unless I'm out on the street selling pretty pictures for food, I will continue my search in the world for idiots.
Shouldn't be too hard.

Great Balls Of Fire

2007-03-08T12:01:00.000-06:00

Well, maybe not so much for this dude.
I don't think I need to say much about this story. Lately in society, we've been plagued with an abundance of Darwin Award winners who show us that even when we do something that we think is dumb, it's not NEARLY as dumb as these guys.
I cannot stand these Jackass wannabe idiots, which not even Johnny Knoxville is touting anymore, by the way. He's moved on to greener pastures, why can't these frat boy losers? Don't you have anything better to do with your time? I would rather you just sit in your lonely dorm room, pick your nose and drink yourself silly than to subjugate us to another story about how you burned your balls off. But if I only knew that you injuring your junk led you never to procreate, that would be enough for me:)

This guy didn't even get a chance to ask.

id vid: Volume II, All Your Base

2007-03-01T10:02:00.000-06:00

Man, I love doing this... finding stupid videos. I enjoy my research very much. I find it very rewarding. That said, it's important to remember the good times, when being stupid was all you had to do. I'm talking about college. The good old days when you made bad movies in video editing class and you would get accolaides from your classmates on just how stupid they be. One such video I found playing around on YouTube.
Does the phrase, "All your base are belong to us," mean anything to you? It should, for the better part of my college years that phrase invaded almost every conversation I had with a videogeek friend of mine. So just today, I was poking around looking for videos, and for some reason that popped into my head. I was again transported to the first time I saw it, on a computer at school, my friends huddled around. I had never laughed so hard in my life. I have since discovered other places for such examples of bad translations, like Engrish.com, the best place for bad English. But on the Tube, I found this video of how much "AYBABTU", as they called it, had inundated out culture. It was on the local news here in Chicago about five years ago. That's right, the news. Weird and funny, to say the least. You must watch this. Mmm... zig!

Sounds like something he'd say...

Chinese Internet Torture

2007-02-22T15:01:00.000-06:00

Gotta go for kind of a short blog today. I have tons to do, including working on a novel, so just a little bit of craziness before I go.
Apparently, "internet addiction" is a big deal in China, so they feel like they have to address it, naturally. Not so naturally is the way they go about it. Electro-Shock Therapy, to be exact... yeah, you read that right. What the hell? I know they're not that different from us, but really, how whacked can you be about the internet? Porn, I understand, but isn't their country really strict about the world wide web? It's being constantly monitored and filtered by the government, so all that's left is Chinese history lessons and Barney videos. What the hell are these kids so addicted to? I'd very much like to know.

You can read the full story here. And don't worry, I won't shock you if you don't.

id vid: Volume I

2007-02-15T14:07:00.000-06:00

Well, Kiddies,
I'm starting a new segment of this blog called : id vid. Every two weeks I will post a video (or two) that I think is worthy of an 'i ❤ idiots' award. I've seen my share of them on YouTube and MySpace and a couple other places, so I feel it is my duty to point out the very best in stupidity.
This first installment, I'm making fun of myself. Yes, I think it is imperative to be able to do so. I'm talking about my (and every child of the 80's) love affair with Reading Rainbow. It was truly a revolutionary show, what with the kids telling you what books to read instead of stinky old grown ups. And Levaar Burton? Please! Nobody could hold a candle to him. He was a golden GOD to me. Smart, genuine and never afraid to make a complete ASS of himself. Definitely not a token black guy. He won Emmys for his performance on that show, for gosh sake.

One such display of his mastery to make himself known to the world was in an episode where dancers are prominently shown, with Levaar smack in the middle of the action. It's a full on music video! And might I add-- awesome as hell! Acting, dancing, singing, and reading... The man is a quadruple threat!
You can see this color-filled spectacle, simply called "Teamwork" here. As you will see by the end of it, they have masted the English language. What's that? EWRM AOKT? Somebody needs to teach them those kick-ass dance moves AND spelling.
Also watch the end credits of this vid for 80's freeze framed dance moves and a reprise of the song that will forever be burned into your memory. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Another such "music video" called "Check It Out", isn't as spectacular, but definitely worth an honorable mention.

So, my work here is done. I'll see you next time. *Dit-dit dit!*

Space Balls

2007-02-08T09:55:00.000-06:00

Wow.
What a week for the crazies, huh? I'm in love with the story about the lady astronaut. If you don't know the full story, you can read it here. Dear Lord... diapers? Really? You can't stop five minutes at the Pump 'N Munch to pee? And what the hell was she driving that she could go 900 miles without stopping anyway?
People are crazy. And not just plain old crazy anymore, where you talk to your hand or wear aluminum foil on your head to keep the aliens from controlling your mind, but a whole 'nother brand of crazy I've never even seen. Usually I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, tell myself there was some serious psychotic break that really just pushed the boundaries of their sanity. It's not hard to imagine being that angry, that consumed by thoughts of one person that just really gets your goat. We've all had that experience, I'm sure... I've had it several times, especially during college when I was forced to deal with scums of the earth on a constant basis. But I never thought about shooting them with a BB gun or spraying them with pepper spray or wearing a wig and kidnapping them. Maybe I wasn't thinking... I could have had a place to stay rent free, fresh clothes everyday, three square meals a day, a gym membership, all the raping you can stand, and cable. Yes, I'm just too rational a person, I guess. Too full of self preservation, I suppose. And I guess I've never been in love. Because after you kill your lover's lover, there's no doubt he'll come running back to you, right?

Thank you, NASA, for helping us laugh at love... again.

i ❤ Depends.

The Day the Teddy Bears Have Their Super Bowl

2007-02-01T12:31:00.000-06:00

Dear Friends,
It's that time of year again... Super Bowl.
Oh, man, and is it ever gonna be a doozie! To tell the truth, I don't really follow football until I know who's winning and may go to the big game. I happen to live in a city who's got the fever... "Bear" fever that is. That's right, for those of you who don't know (or care) the Chicago Bears are in. And boy, I can't wait 'til Sunday! Mostly because of all the damn media coverage will be over! I mean EVERY DAY, there is an onslaught of coverage of NOTHING! If one of the Chicago Bears' piss comes out clear, I have to hear about it--in the morning when I wake 'til the late in the evening. It's ridiculous. I even heard someone on the morning show today say they were getting a bit tired of it. I'm thinking plenty tired is more like it. Dear God... Imagine what it will be like if they WIN. Sweet Jeebus, forget about trying to go to work on Monday. I know people who already have taken that day off. I heard one business owner gave his employees the day off on Monday so they could come back "refreshed and ready to serve customers". I wish I had that privilege for Martin Luther King Day.
"Sorry. I got really hammered celebrating Dr. King's Birthday. I won't be coming in on Monday." Yeah, right.
I know many Chicagoans are really excited about it because they haven't been to a Bowl game in 21 years, but COME ON... it's just not that serious.
I do have a bit of a bias, being originally form Detroit, the Lions have never been to a Super Bowl. So I keep praying for that shining day when they won't out-and-out suck.
I, of course, will watch the game mostly for the ads. Being a girl and a design-oriented person, I tend to lean closer to the commercialism side of the Super Bowl. One of my coworkers says the season really ended the last game of the Playoffs, so the Super Bowl is nothing but a big commercial. Bring it on, I say. They just better be good.
You have no idea how nuts this city is over the Bears. There is Bears paraphernalia everywhere. I've included some pictures also. You can see how crazy Chicago has gone with this stuff. It's amazing how the city has turned into one big idiot.
(by the way *cough*, "go Bears")
You can also read this hilarious article about the 'Monsters of the Midway' in the Onion. There always making fun of people, like me... I love 'em!

See you after the game.

Today is "Dress Your Pet Day". Yay.

2007-01-25T15:47:00.000-06:00

Pets.
They enrich our lives. They comfort us when were sad. They even occasionally rescue or protect us from danger.
So why, oh why, would we disgrace our noble animals with clothes??
I'm not talking about the little booties you put on their paws to protect them from snow and ice, or even the little sweaters when it's particularly cold and they need to take a piss out back. I'm talking about needless things. Glasses. Hats. Bow ties. Anything that has words on it written in rhinestone. And above all... costumes.
My friends, these are not little humans. Oh no. They are meant to be companions, not Barbie Funtime Dress-Up Dolls. Experts even say they are to be treated like they are a part of a pack, in which you are the leader. What leader makes you wear a cheerleading outfit? A cheerleader, that's who! If you want a doll you can get dozens of undignified ridiculous outfits for, fine, be my guest. Hell, I'd rather you even have a kid to do it to. They can at least talk back to you when they get to a certain age. But these poor things can't even verbalize what asses they feel like in that cute little red number you picked up the other day. It's degrading. Would you want your mother dressing you up in nutty outfits for her own entertainment? Maybe she did, but that's your bag. DO NOT take it out on your pet. It's not his fault. Every dog or cat or parakeet I've seen in those things, looks up at me with those big ol' eyes of his and thinks, "Why are they doing this to me? Do you enjoy this? Is this what you do to someone who licks your face when you come home or brings you your slippers and evening paper?"
Okay, maybe they don't say all that, but if they could they certainly would. So, all's I'm sayin' is, think about what you're doing to your pets self-esteem before you put those coconuts and hula skirt on him (and YES, I've seen it). He and his friends will thank you for it. And if you want, buy the grass skirt for yourself.

If you or someone you love enjoy this horrible annual holiday, I do apologize. But it is worthy of an i ❤ idiots award, nonetheless. You could get e-cards to commemorate this momentus event here. I also included some pictures which illustrate my point. Look how she hangs her head in shame... And he's completely clueless...

B.T.W.-- January 28th is National Kazoo Day. Don't even get me started...

the original idiot

2007-01-22T12:49:00.000-06:00

Hello everybody!!
(okay, the two of you who happened to stumble upon this blog...)

I'm very excited to introduce myself to the World Wide Web as an emphatic wacko.
I enjoy laughing at people. I won't deny it. It says so in my little blurb at the head of the page. I'm not gonna lie, I'll laugh at you too if you do something dumb.
So in conclusion, again I say, WELCOME! I will try to post great things I find absolutely re-god-dam-diculous at least once a week and give a little bit of commentary to boot. If it's not funny or at least worth a chuckle, sorry. It's Jeff's fault... he's the one who encouraged this to take place. Blame him.
So to start here's my first installment, hopefully of many, of a stupid, stupid idiot. If you haven't seen this yet, it is highly enjoyable (if not just plain weird). I guarantee it. If you ever need to rinse out your brain, I recommend this product. Just please, don't use soap!

The Brain Washer...

P.S.- When I wanted to find a mascot of sorts for this page through Google Images, I typed in "idiot". Guess who's face popped up quite a few times in my search. Good Ol' G. Dubs, no less. Go figure...